Are you a pensioner? Are you getting enough? Money? Hell, no!
However, everyone knows that the State pension is a joke, so my next question is more personal; are you getting enough sex? Me neither, and I have a few years to go before I can collect my pension. According to research by the University of Chicago, if, as a pensioner, you take regular exercise, you are much more likely to enjoy an active sex life into your eighties; yes, if you leave the wife sitting on the sofa stuffing chocolates into her mouth three at a time and take the dog for a walk to poo around the neighbourhood, you might bump into a sexy, hot pensioner out on the pull and giving you the eye. If she does not beat you into a bloody pulp for leaving dog mess on the pavement, you might be in with a chance. If you have taken regular exercise, the boffins say that you are more likely to be in good health and more likely to have regular sex, defined as at least once a week; I can only dream.
Interestingly, unfit pensioners tend to give up sex at sixty.
Unsurprisingly, men placed more significance on sex than women.
Take the dog for a walk? In the same week, research from Exeter and East Anglia Universities stated that if you live near a green area, you are much more likely to take exercise and be healthy than If you live in an urban sprawl. Sex is exciting over eighty, but it is safer to pull into a lay-by and stop.

Still trying to lose the weight that you piled on over Christmas?
Another piece of research, this time from Oxford and Liverpool Universities, has shown that making slight changes to your diet can make a huge difference to your health. How do you cut the death rate connected to heart problems by twenty thousand, at a stroke? Easy! Reduce your salt intake by a gram a day, consume less unsaturated fat and eat more fruit and vegetables.

Are you glad that you do not pay the BBC licence fee? Me too! The BBC has announced ‘massive’ cuts of six hundred million quid, and with three months to go, ’Seth Efricker’ is the place to be. Fabio, the six million dollar man, sorry, pound man, is taking a team of twenty three players plus backroom staff in the hope of winning the World Cup.
Meanwhile, the BBC, that bastion of spending taxpayers’ money wisely, is sending a team to cover the proceedings, comprising over one hundred and twenty staff, including presenters, commentators, former stars turned sofa slouching hasbeens, plus a production crew, which will cost an estimated two million quid in expenses. “And it’s Lawrenson, holding the midfield between the coffee table and the settee, with a sweet pass to Hansen, holding the line in the centre of the sofa, as he makes a seamless pass to Shearer making a run for the toilet at half time, and Lineker scores again! On or off the field, Gary?”
What a shame! Some staff will be forced to share an apartment, because secure, FIFA approved accommodation is in short supply; bless! From April 1st, the licence fee will cost one hundred and forty five quid and fifty ‘peas,’ and given that date, I assure you that it is no joke.

Thankfully, I have little need to use public transport and regardless of country, I avoid bus travel at all costs, even if it is in a ‘luxury,’ air conditioned ‘vee-hickle’ with a toilet.
I prefer the freedom of the car, and empathise with bus travellers, who must endure sardine-like travel.
Now the UK Government has produced a consultation paper about how to make bus travel more pleasant, and women with baby buggies are being targeted as a nuisance, because they take up too much room, and tend to leave the buggy in the place for a wheelchair user; of course they do, because not enough provision is made for storing buggies. Other problems have been highlighted, such as inconsiderate drivers who accelerate too quickly before allowing passengers to take their seats, instead sending them rolling down the aisle like ten pins. London Mayor Boris Johnson has banned drinking on London buses; how about a countrywide ban to improve the travel experience?