The CoastRider - Special Features

Fat Forty and Fed up - week 14
(Molly on a mission to shed pounds in weight and get that boob job)
I have been asked so many times this week whether or not I intend to go ahead and have breast surgery that I feel I should write out a flash card with my automatic response, so as to save time. My response, for any other 'doubting Thomas' is: Yes, I am going to go for it! Don't get me wrong I have had serious doubts over the last 14 weeks and have even tried on numerous occasions to sabotage my endeavours by finding good reasons why I should not go for the surgery. However the multiple reasons for, as opposed to against, have always outweighed the negatives, quite literally. I mean it's not nice having these two droopy excuses for boobs hovering so closely to my belly button. I anticipate that if they droop any more, I shall be able to tuck them into my socks this time next year. I keep imagining how I would feel being able to wear a nice summer top with everything pointing in the right direction. Without having to wear all the scaffolding beneath, cleverly disguised as a 'Playtex cross your heart bra' which, although popular in the 70s, leaves much to be desired in either looks or comfort. No, I am definitely going for it and hopefully it will be a success but I intend to write every thing down and take you on my journey with me (sorry).
This week I was still euphoric from the 5 ½ lb weight loss of last week on the Herbalife weight loss plan and being totally enthused I threw myself into my exercise class, even attempting to 'run' on the running machine, however fear of severe eye wounds soon slowed my pace.
Maria from Tonetastic in Los Montesinos suggested that I try their new 'shape changers instant inch loss and detox wraps' She said that it would not make me lose weight but it would reduce the inches (in for a penny in for a pound). I quickly accepted her offer and the appointment was made.
Maria told me to wear a thong or something similar as underwear for the occasion… "Hmmm", thought I, "a thong"… Where the hell was I going to find a garment like that to fit my ample size? 'Fishing Tackle R Us? Yes thank you, I'll take that in trawler size if I may! Now I really had a dilemma. My knickers make Briget Jones' big pants look positively minute. I even wondered if I could throw something together using swishrail and a couple of netted curtains!
Eventually I managed to find some very ancient French knickers which appeared to have been miraculously immune to the underwear dying contraption I tenderly call my washing machine. I thought that I would just act old and confused pretending that I thought that they were a thong. It worked. No one mentioned the 'big pants' and within minutes of arriving for my appointment I was wrapped tightly in hot, wet, elastic bandages and placed to cook in a plastic space suit for 45 minutes.
This was actually very relaxing and when the bandages came off I was delighted to hear that I had lost 8 ¼ inches. (Maybe I will fit into a thong now). This system has been featured on ITV's 'This Morning' and to quote Fern Britton "I'm impressed with that." If it is good enough for old Ferny then it's good enough for me. It must be a brilliant treatment to have before fitting into that tight little black number for a special night out.
As time is getting on I am becoming very nervous at the thought of going to meet with a surgeon on the 2nd March. It's not the meeting that is scaring me, it's the getting lost in Elche that is giving me the jitters. It has often been said that I can get lost in Carrefour car park and it is not a lie. I know my way around Torrevieja like the back of my hand but take me past Quesada or La Mata and I take my passport…. just in case.
After all my efforts this week I was disappointed to find that I have no weight loss to report but Linda from Herbalife says that because I lost so much in the first week I have got to keep positive and focused as my body is probably adjusting so, as I have faith in her, I will keep on going. I have another theory and that is that I am doing so much exercise that I am turning my fat into muscle (well we have all got to have our excuses haven't we?)
Ta ta for now my lovelies
Love Molly x x x

Celebrity Gosspip
The planet's most famous Playboy bunny, Anna Nicole Smith, was found dead in a Florida hotel room. The troubled blonde bombshell is thought to have taken an accidental drug overdose.
Anna Nicole was staying at the hotel with her lawyer boyfriend Howard K Stern. Anna's 20-yearold son Daniel died of a drugs overdose just three days after the birth of his baby sister, DaniLynn last September. DaniLynn remains the subject of a paternity suit, with two of Anna Nicole's former boyfriends claiming to be the daddy. Many high profile figures have paid tribute to Anna Nicole. Hugh Hefner, the Playboy boss, said, "I am very saddened to learn about Anna Nicole's passing. She was a dear friend who meant a great deal to the Playboy family and me personally. My thoughts and prayers are with her friends and loved ones during this difficult time."
Just when we thought the world was seeing sense, praising stars like Charlotte Church for keeping their womanly curves and not going for the bag o' bones look (I'm looking at you Nicole Richie), film producers have told the lovely Norah Jones that she is too fat! The talented singer songwriter, who has branched out into acting of late, was told by producers of her new film to shed some pounds. Norah (who has a gorgeous slim figure) couldn't believe it. And quite frankly, neither can I. Norah, you are lovely as you are. Don't succumb to the curse of Hollywood!
The most beautiful woman in the world (some people think) has banned her ugliest man in the world (some people think) boyfriend from attending the Brit Awards. Kate Moss has told Pete (more famous for being a junkie than a musician) Doherty that he's banned from the ceremony because she is jealous of his relationship with Queen of the Chavs, Lily Allen. Kate darling, you have nothing to worry about. In fact, if Little Miss Bigmouth was to take Mr Doherty off your hands, she'd be doing you a favour. Hang on; don't they say paranoia is a side effect of taking too much…?
Spare a thought for Nicole Richie. The lollipop stick thin girl has voiced her horror at the thought of going to jail. She was caught driving down the wrong side of the road in LA in December and after secretly confiding in her mate Paris over lunch that she is freaking out over the prospect of doing actual time, naturally the whole world knows about it. Paris was heard telling Nic not to worry about it, and that everything would be fine. Would you like your daughter to seek legal advice from Paris Hilton? Thought not.
It seems that things aren't running too smoothly for the Beckhams' move stateside. The family wanted to bring their team of eight minders with them to the US but have run into huge difficulty in doing so. All eight of the work permits have been turned down by US immigration security.
Bollywood actress and winner of Celeb Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty is set to appear on next week's Question Time. It is envisaged that she will be asked questions about the future of reality TV and, of course, bullying and racism. Meanwhile, she has agreed to become a spokesperson for the Act Against Bullying charity. The charity's founder, Louise Burfitt-Dons said, "The way she handled the bullying on TV makes her the perfect role model."
Meanwhile, TV presenter Cat Deeley seems to have enjoyed enough US success for the moment. Having presented talent shows like American Idol and So you think you can dance?, the lovely Cat is set to return to the UK to present ITV1's new Grease talent show, You're the One that I Want. Mojo x

Vic Reynolds
You may be more familiar with the back of Vic's head because when he and his big band perform, and everyone gets up to dance, he is doing exactly what he loves, being a band leader. From the age of twelve that's what Vic wanted to do but you may not realise that Vic has also had quite a successful television and film career too but that's only part of the story.
Vic Reynolds has appeared in scenes in such films as The Long Good Friday, he was the hotel doorman in A Fish Called Wanda (towards the end of the film he tells Kevin Kline he can't park in a red zone at Heathrow Airport), "I've been in Eastenders several times," said Vic.
"I've been a busker playing my saxophone outside the Queen Vic, sat in the pub, all sorts." He was a judge in Grange Hill, has appeared in The Bill and been the stand-in for Sir Lawrence Olivier in The Boys From Brazil. "I remember when I was in Yes Minister, Nigel Hawthorne's speeches were sometimes so complicated and intricate that the whole cast and crew would applaud after a take." Vic was even the straight guy for Les Dawson. "Les had this character who was a magician and a pickpocket. I was a member of the audience and of course Les' character was useless so he'd try and take my watch and I'd end up with his, he'd attempt to take my braces and we'd be rolling round the floor together and, of course I'd finish the scene with his braces."
Vic was also the man who held the picture up in the auction in that famous episode of Only Fools and Horses. If you remember the Kelly Monteith show, Vic's been on that numerous times and he was also in Edward and Mrs Simpson. "Edward Fox had this scene where he's just abdicated and he catches a ship."
Vic recalled, "I was the Naval officer who opened his car door.
Edward wasn't happy with the scene so he decided he would say a few words to me, bumping my pay up considerably. We did the rehearsal and the technical advisor, some jumped up Petty Officer, said that would never happen. Edward just shrugged and apologised to me and I was back to basic wage"
So how did Vic get into acting and as he put it, "being a 'Noddy'." "We were called 'Noddies' because as extras, or supporting artists, we filled the background of the scenes. When a pub scene is shot it's done in complete silence, they put the music and background conversation in later. It's very strange but it's so you can hear the actors speak. You just sit there and look like you're talking, nodding away, hence the name." On one shoot in a pub Vic was sat at the bar as the lights were being adjusted for the shoot. Over the lighting gaffer's headphones they heard the director say very loudly, "Get that grey haired old git out of there his hair's causing a flare." The whole cast and crew stopped and looked at Vic who simply shouted up to the director, "Are you referring to the elderly supporting artist with the silver hair?" and everyone cracked up. He got an apology later.
Vic was born in Battersea in 1921.
He was the youngest of eight kids and whilst Mum had her hands full his Dad worked on the railway. "Even then he was lucky to have a job," said Vic. Nobody else in the family was remotely musical until Vic discovered his life long love of music. "I was at home, all alone, with the radio on. I got two bits of wood and some elastic and pretended to play the violin along with the radio. I was only ten at the time and my Mum came home and caught me.
It was really embarrassing, I mean kids of my age were into football and mischief." Vic ended up getting enrolled in violin lessons at school and whilst doing this he taught himself to tap dance. "In those days you had clubs. There was the Conservative club for the well off, the Liberal club for the merchants and shop keepers and then you had the Working Men's clubs that were affiliated to unions and works. My Dad was the entertainments manager for his club and at the age of ten I did my first performance on a stage." Vic recalled his Mum talking to another woman at the side of the stage. The woman was very complimentary about Vic and said, "Is he a professional?" Vic's mother replied that he was just an amateur and the woman said, "If he's getting paid then he's a professional now."
And that has stuck with Vic throughout his life, every performance is as professional as he can make it.
From that first performance Vic was booked for other shows in the region by other clubs and also topped up the coffers in talent shows held at the Granada cinemas. "My Mum used to keep me off school so we could go and see some of the bands play matinees. One day we went to see Teddy Joyce's band and I thought it was marvellous, so much so that the next day, when I was supposed to be going home, I went back and saw two more performances." Vic said, "I then went round to the stage door to try and see Teddy Joyce but the doorman wouldn't let me in." At this point one of the musicians, in full make-up, hair slicked down and wearing a belted camel hair coat, saw Vic and asked him what he wanted. Vic explained he wanted to join the band, "I was twelve at the time!" The musician was Jimmy Mancini and he took Vic to Teddy's dressing room.
"Well when I entered Teddy Joyce was in a smoking jacket lying on a chaise lounge with a film star called Chili Bouchier lying on top of him showing more leg than I'd ever seen before. I made the decision there and then that I wanted to become a band leader." Vic explained that he wanted to join the band, "I must have been insufferable at times." Teddy was thinking of starting up a juvenile band at the time and Vic got in but first he had to get dispensation from the London Council's Education Authority. "I'd had diphtheria at five years-old and because of that had a terrible stutter. The doctor on the education board taught me a breathing trick to cure the stutter, because I didn't stutter when I sang, and that was the beginning of the end of my stutter." Vic was given dispensation to tour with the band and everywhere they went he had to report to the local school for tuition.
He'd spend a week here and a week there and that was really the end of his formal education.
When Vic was just 14 his mother committed suicide and the family just disintegrated. "We all just seemed to go our separate ways and at 14 I was on my own." Vic got a room in Balham and started to support himself. He did jobs, performed and survived on his own until he was 16 when he joined up with Joe Butler. Now Joe's act was fairly unique. He had a barrel organ that Vic would push along and crank the handle for the music when they stopped. Joe would then balance a bike on his head. "Joe's finale was to collect six bikes from the audience and hang these from the handle bars and then balance the lot on his head whilst whistling bird songs and playing the spoons. It seems ludicrous now but we made a living at it then."
When the Munich Crisis came along in 1938 Vic and Joe got work digging defences. "The pay was good but the work was really hard. You had a brass disc to book in and out with on a board so we'd work during the day, leave and then Joe would boost me over the fence and I'd swap the discs round so we got paid double for the day and the night." Vic tried work as a builder but didn't last an hour on the site. Once again Vic found himself alone, no money, no job and no immediate plans but Vic always survived. He made money in a variety contest in a J Lyons tea room and was performing when he bumped into one of his sisters. He hadn't seen any of the family for three years but, independent as ever, declined the offer to move in with her until the next day when his brother-in-law didn't give him the option of saying no. So off to Epsom in Surrey he went and he got a job as a stable lad. That didn't last too long and once again Vic was unemployed, "Until I got a job as the fourth projectionist in a cinema. I was sacked from that because I handed the projectionist the reels in the wrong order but they kept me on as an attendant because I looked good in the uniform."
An audition with ENSA followed that, "We all called ENSA, Every Night Something Awful and they were mostly bottom of the bill acts.
So at nine o'clock in the morning I had the audition, by eleven o'clock I'd tried to join the Army as an RASC driver but they were full. The recruiting Sergeant told me to join my local County regiment so by two o'clock I was in Guildford and by four o'clock I was in the uniform of the Queen's Royal Regiment." Vic did his training and joined the British Expeditionary Force that was later rescued from Dunkirk in June 1940.
"All I remember was being petrified.
We just marched, dug in and then marched some more. I was numb with fear. I saw blokes who you thought could take anything go to pieces, others just gave up and waited to be taken prisoner. I was looked after by two older soldiers and I remember wading out to the boats from the beach and wanting to go back as the water crept up my chest." Vic was evacuated by the Royal Navy and on his return to England he decided he didn't like marching too much so volunteered for the Reconnaissance Corps. "I thought, 'If I'm going to get shot at I'd rather do it driving than walking'." It was also at this time that Vic got married. "I'd known this girl and I was very sincere about it but at 18 what do you know? I didn't think I'd survive the War so my pension would be better off with her." They married in October 1940 and Vic got a 24 hour pass for the occasion and then back to training. In January 1941 he was informed that his wife had succumbed to pneumonia and died four days previously.
In 1942 Vic's unit was to join the invasion of Africa and once again, in haste, he got married. "My second marriage lasted ten weeks and five letters before I got the 'Dear John'.
There wasn't much I could do about it. Our job was to go looking for the Germans. We'd drive ahead of the main force until somebody shot at us and then get the hell out of there. I was the driver/mechanic on a Humber armoured car!
By the time Vic's unit had landed in Italy, at Salerno, they were joined by an ENSA concert party. Leading the concert party was an old acquaintance of Vic's from his club days, Bertie Hare. Vic transferred to the concert party and it was the making and honing of his performing days. "I learnt to play the saxophone and the clarinet but you had to do everything. We'd pull up beside ten blokes and two Bofors guns and perform in the rain trying to make them laugh. Even now when the fridge door opens, the light comes on I can do a ten minute routine."
When the War ended Vic's Division was in France performing for the troops and then off to post-war Austria. As his concert party was gradually de-mobbed Vic was left with no band. At this point the Army had taken over a hotel for the other ranks and Vic was sent to lead the band that consisted of German and Hungarian civilians who couldn't speak a word of English. "I was only a Private so we just talked to each other through the music. Our first night was a hit and we became quite popular." During this time Vic met Heidi and they fell in love over the ensuing months. There were many problems; there was the no fraternisation rule, Vic was still married and his de-mob date was looming and he would have to back to England. In 1946 Austria was still occupied territory so when Vic had to go back home he promised to return for Heidi, he just didn't know how he was ever going to manage it with the Russians, French and Americans policing the country.
"When I got back the first thing was to get a divorce. I found out she had taken up with some munitions worker and they'd had a kid so the divorce was pretty straight forward.
Two minutes in a court and I was single again but getting back to Heidi in Austria seemed impossible." Vic heard of other blokes who tried to sneak back to the European main land and they were all caught and locked up so he approached a Jewish children's charity. "The head of the Charity was a cross between Arthur Daley and Fagin." Vic said, "I told him I needed to get back to Austria and he arranged for me to get as far as Switzerland and then his contacts would get me into Austria. The catch was I had to smuggle some currency out of the country. I agreed and signed for 200 quid and I was on my way." There was a ten pound limit on currency leaving Britain then so Vic was looking at serious jail time if he was caught. He made it to Switzerland but the contact was in hospital having had a heart attack the day before, Vic's traveller's cheques had been made out incorrectly so he had no cash, "All I had to survive on was a suitcase full of coffee, chocolate and cigarettes. I was introduced to some spiv who put me in touch with a taxi driver who could get me into Austria." Vic was stopped by the French Army at the border and they wouldn't let him enter. Exasperated, as he'd promised to be back by Christmas which was only a day away, "I showed the French soldier a picture of Heidi and said that I thought the French understood love and romance and he let me through!"
Austria in 1946 was a hot bed of spies, intrigue and crime. There were escaping Nazis, dispossessed people, deserters and profiteers. People disappeared, were abducted, arrested or simply done away with in the turmoil that followed the War and into this Vic wandered, suitcase in hand, and just one thought in mind, to get back to Heidi. He managed to catch a train after bullying his way through the queue at the station and shouting down the ticket clerk and then had to avoid the soldiers, French and American, on the train as he made his way across Austria. On one occasion he hid in the toilets and on another he hung from a handle on the outside of the train whilst papers were checked as he had none to show the authorities.
"I spent Christmas Day in a conductor's office with the station master of some small town. He fed me and I kept him in coffee and cigarettes. I then managed to convince two MP's in a jeep that I was with the British Commission and got a lift to within 30 miles of Heidi.
A day late I walked the last bit and we were together again." Vic spent the next few months with Heidi and some of his old Army contacts were still billeted there so he continued with the British Commission ruse and was soon accepted. "After a while I knew I had to go back to England so I decided to just hand myself in but nobody wanted to know. I was a problem nobody wanted. To get rid of me the Army gave me papers that said I was a Grade II civil servant and I was told to report to the embassy in Vienna."
To get to Vienna Vic had to get through the Russian sector which passed without incident. The Embassy did not want to know so Vic booked himself into an RAF transit hotel. "They knew something wasn't right so they called the SIB. Two ex- Scotland Yard detectives arrested me and interrogated me for 36 hours straight. They couldn't find any holes in my story so they released me and sent me back to the Embassy."
The Embassy just wanted to get rid of Vic so they renewed his papers and sent him off to France by train.
As the train pulled up at the Danube everyone had their papers checked by Russian soldiers. "What nobody else had spotted, except this Soviet private, was that I had an exit stamp from Austria but no entry stamp in my passport. I shouted at him, he shouted at me and went off to get his officer. As I stood in the carriage of the train knowing I was about to see what the inside of a Russian prison looked like I seriously contemplated swimming the Danube. And then the train started to move. I could see the soldier and his officer chasing after the train but we were across the border and out of their sector too quickly." Vic got to Paris and then to Calais, across the Channel and got off the train in London fully expecting a reception party complete with hand-cuffs. "I think they just forgot about me because I never got my collar felt for that at all." Vic then went about getting Heidi to England and soon they were married.
They spent the next 50 years together before Heidi passed away.
Throughout his life Vic has always worked at something and not even a stroke that paralysed his entire right side whilst he was driving his car, could keep him from leading a band, playing his music or performing on stage or for the camera. "I look back at my life and think how lucky I've been. The things I've done, the people I've met and the places I've seen." Vic is still rehearsing his Big Band and they are still performing much to the delight of his appreciative audiences because every event is a sell-out. He lives in Los Montesinos and has been in Spain for four years. He is still not content to settle down and his venues are as professional as he promised himself when he was twelve.

If you have a story to tell we'd love to hear from you. Just get in touch, call in at our office on Calle Joaquin Chapaprieta 59 in Torrevieja, call the office on 966 701 060 or call Mark on 670 953 125 and Aoife on 618 873 406. The Icon series is as much about reminding people what life was like as it is about informing those too young to remember (if they were born at all). All we ask is the chance to tell your story. M Tissington

T-shirt of the week

"This is my young neighbour, Chelsea Seager, in her funky tee shirt which she found in England when she visited her Grandma recently." - Annie Byles, Los Altos.
Well young Miss Seager, we don't like the attitude.
We LOVE it! You go girl!
If you think you have what it takes to star in the CoastRider's t-shirt hall of fame send us your funny/quirky/weird/rude/hilarious/funky t-shirt photos and who knows? Your beautiful face could be staring out from next week's CoastRider. Go on, don't be shy! Fame, fortune and the glory of being in t'paper await!
Email your t-shirt of the week to office@coastrider.net

Anti Valentine's Day
Anti Valentines Day

Last week, we brought you a selection of Valentine's Day gifts. This week, in honour of the most romantic day of the year, we spare a thought for those who loathe Valentine's Day. February 14th is the scourge of single people worldwide.
Referred to some by the cynical acronym, "VD", Valentine's day is that special time of year when greetings card companies, confectionary manufacturers and gift companies urge you to express your love in cold, hard, cash.
Luckily, if you feel like sticking two fingers up at the whole idea of Feb 14th, you can! Sick of simpering lovers, gazing into each others eyes on VD?
Tired of not being able to get a restaurant booking on VD? Fed up being the only one of your friends not to get flowers/chocolates/card/fluffy teddy bear clutching red love heart? Want to do something about it? Send an Anti Valentine.
Anti Valentine's marches are scheduled to take place tomorrow in the US (where else?!) and the backlash against VD is such that card makers have even decided to cash in on the anti love vibe by printing Anti Valentine's Day cards.
One such card, printed by the American Greetings Corporation reads, "It's Valentine's Day and love is in the air. It makes me wanna puke. Happy Anti- Valentine's Day." A spokesperson for the card's makers said, "The demand for 'anti-Valentines' has risen steadily over the past few years, so we've added several new designs to our normal Valentine's Day line that span the range of feelings held by many singles at this time of year."
Valentine's Day in the UK alone is worth over two billion pounds (that's just over three billion euros).
As well as cards, companies are producing t-shirts and other gifts to allow people express their hate for Valentine's Day.
Anti Valentine's are not for lovers, they are for kindred spirits. If your buddies share the same loathing for the middle day in February, why not give them an Anti Valentine and tell them to "kiss off" in style?
Here are some of our favourites…
A Leddy